So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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