It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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