Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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