there's paper in my vomit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
