Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
