Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
