Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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