I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
