I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
