just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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