i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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