I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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