I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
