Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
