there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
