I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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