i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
