Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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