Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
