Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
