I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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