we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
