I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
