im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
