I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
