....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fuck appropriateness.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
