im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
