so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
