his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
