i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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