guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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