Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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