3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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