Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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