He asked to "fluff my boner.."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
