I skipped work to stalk him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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