I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
