just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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