The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
