My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
