why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
