you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
