a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
