hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
