sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
