Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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