I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
