oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
