just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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