Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
