u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
