I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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